1. Back in August I started writing a post about the process of removing me, meaning my stuff, my personality, from my home so that it will show better to potential buyers.
    I never finished it. This whole process of leaving my home, moving, packing, deciding what stays and what goes became too much for me. I got depressed. I couldn't think, function, move, deal with everyday stuff. I wasn't getting dressed, barely bathing, couldn't have cared less about eating, was on the verge of, or broke out in tears at odd moments. I'm better now. I understood in my mind what was going on, but was just unable to productively process it and channel it. Thankfully I maintained enough rationality to be able to understand I needed help, and wasn't able to handle it on my own. I went to see a doctor who sat patiently while I cried and sniveled my way through what I was experiencing.
    He suggested a therapist/psychologist with whom I communicated via email trying to arrange a meeting. That communication was difficult, disjointed, disheartening. I asked for a therapist with English, although my communication with the Dr was entirely in Spanish. The therapist started communicating in Spanish, then moved to French, which I don't speak, and didn't seem to understand my written English. Needless to say we never connected. I haven't followed up and found a recommendation for a different therapist.
    The Dr also gave me some pills. I still take them, but less now. On some days I take more.
    I'm taking a bit more right now because we are now also dealing with Tom's prostate cancer, his pending surgery, and his 2 hermiated discs in his neck. All this shit is happening to him, but I'm taking the pills, crazy right?
    Here's what I wrote back in August

    moving, and staging

    Well once again we are staging the house for a real estate broker to come by and take photos for use on their web page.

    When we first decided to sell the house we tidied up and took our own photos and created a Craigslist posting.

    Then we started packing stuff to be shipped, and selling stuff that wouldn't be shipped.

    We are offering the house with sufficient furniture, kitchen, linens and such as to be able to walk in with a suitcase and live. But soooooo much extra stuff had to be eliminated.

    So now photos of the stripped down zero personality house are being taken to update the listing. I have managed to maintain one window of myself, for myself. I can gaze at this space and think I am still at home. It makes me happy amidst the depression that keeps settling on me.

    It is so unsettling when you realize that the way you live is unacceptable, too busy, too cluttered, too chaotic, too, too, tooo. Maybe that's what keeps my mind calm is having the controlled chaos quietly around me.

    Each day more of me gets packed away, or sold. For me, organized is when I put all my pens and pencils in a box, and put that on a box of extra eyeglasses and cases, and set that on a box of scraps of paper that I know are somehow important and that I will soon go through and determine which are and which aren't. I like the clutter of 20 paintings organized on a wall, or bottles of various sizes organized to catch the early morning light.


    so anyway, the point of this is to start a discussion or thoughts on depression. It exists, you are not alone, there are options available to help you through it. It could be a support group or system, even friends, who listen to you, help you. It could be a psychologist or psychiatrist. It could be long or short term use of drugs.

    Whatever it takes to get you back to where you can exist and function and get your rational mind in control again.



About Debi in Merida

I moved from Colorado Springs, Colorado USA to Merida, Yucatan, MX in January 2006. I love to read, garden, travel, and hang out with friends.
This entry was posted in emotional connectivity, Everyday Life, moving and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Depression

  1. darcycuthill says:

    Hi Debi, I came across your blog today and just thought I would see if you are still here or if you have already moved. I live here in Merida too. I’m sorry we never had a chance to meet, but thought I’d send you this note in the event that you are still here. Darcy

  2. blakestyger says:

    Hi Debi, You probably don’t remember us but we talked to you this past Spring at the “Masks” show at the SoHo Gallery. We had a house on 43 btwn 62×64 that we spent this past April, May, and June clearing out of (the sale closed July 1st). Colleen suffered from severe depressions while we lived in Merida but we found an excellent therapist who trained in the US, speaks english fluently, and was the best therapist Collen has ever had. Adele recommended her to us and we are passing on the favor by recommending her to you.

    Patricia Menendez Antunano
    Centro Terapeutico Integral
    Cell (044-9999) 00-71-99
    Calle 17N 95 x 18 y 20
    Col Mexico, Merida

    Hope everything gets better for you.
    Richard and Colleen

  3. Kim G says:

    Hola Debi,
    When I’m depressed, there are two things that really help. One, just be depressed. Don’t get depressed about being depressed. Simply just be depressed. Second, realize that you won’t be depressed forever. Eventually it will pass.

    For me, keeping both of those things in mind helps tremendously.

    Saludos y buena suerte,

    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where moving is one of the most depressing thing we can imagine.

  4. I send you a cyberhug.

  5. Daniel Perry says:

    Wow! I am so sorry Debbie in Merida. I enjoy your posts so much. It seems you enjoy writing. Keep it up. I think it helps.

  6. J says:

    I have been reading you for many years–and admiring your “take on the world” ways ever since. Last year, walking by myself on the Paseo de las Animas, I came upon you and Tom standing in a doorway in the dark watching the wonderful evening pass by. I am naturally, an anxious chicken by nature and never introduce myself to people I don’t know. For some reason, I decided to say hello and introduce myself to you. It was scary for me, but I knew it was ok. I felt connected to you through what you have shared on this blog and other places.

    Your post is profound. You have done what you do best–connect people to real life and to their own hearts–telling the truth of yours. I shed some tears on this one because I know these feeling deeply and personally, too. You are far braver than most of us. Thank you for your frankness–sharing your feelings and your path–you’re still taking on the world and I’m still admiring. Gracias. Jody

  7. John Calypso says:

    Man I love all that blue glass and I love blues music – beyond that I know nothing about depression blues – so I will stay off it – but I know there are plenty of good people that can help and that you are a terrific person who will soon look back on all this as a conquered time.

  8. You are dealing with so many intense stresses, it’s not surprising to also encounter depression. Selling one’s is the #1 stressor and serious illness is in the top 5. Finding an English-speaking therapist is really important. You might also look for a book on handling depression for interim support. Know that my thoughts and supportive energies are with you and Tom.

  9. Paul Rounds says:

    Thanks for sharing more, Debi. My heart aches for you. Anyone would feel like their world were closing in. So many stressors happening all at once. I am 68 years old. I wish I had good words for you. I wish I knew more. I wish I were there right now with you. All I can give you is my internet presence. Know that many others are also. Find some comfort in all of our caring. I and many others love you. Pills and sleep may give you some space to overcome. You have support all around the world.

  10. Valerie says:

    Would like to relate to you my story one day ….. Depression is horrible but once you become aware then you are on the road to recovery !

  11. I can’t begin to express how all the Comments, personal emails, phone calls, and private messages have touched me. I am so moved by your care and concern, it humbles me. Thank you all of you for your support, and encouragement, you offers of help, and suggestions for proceeding.
    A friend this morning offered the following from some of her reading and research, “Depression is anger turned inward”.
    I googled the phrase. from I found this ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Few, if any of us, have escaped feeling depressed. We may have different words for it, e.g., “I feel down,” “I’m so blue,” “I just don’t seem to care about anything,” “I’ve no energy for anything,” “I just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head” but the underlying emotional experience is essentially the same. Feeling “down in the dumps” from time to time seems to be a part of the human experience. It is never a pleasant feeling; but it is usually endurable because it doesn’t go on forever. At least, in normal depressions, it doesn’t go on forever. Some people, however, seem more prone to depression. They have more frequent experiences of the “moody blues” and the duration of these feelings often last for long period of times. Both duration and intensity are key factors in determining the difference between “normal depressions” and depressions that are the expression of unresolved psychological problems. Depression is really a collection of symptoms and can be thought of as a symbolic communication that there is something wrong in an individual’s ability to maintain a comfortable psychological balance.

    Feeling sad, lonely, down,
    Feeling excessively self critical, worthless
    Loss of self esteem
    Unexplained teariness or weeping
    Feeling tired, energyless, exhausted
    Changes in sleep patterns; i.e., insomnia, wanting to sleep too much or not at all.
    Changes in eating patterns; i.e., eating too much or loss of appetite
    Loss of weight
    Feeling empty, hollow, lifeless, dead
    Disinterest in everything and anyone
    Concentration problems
    Vague complaints about bodily symptoms, e.g., backaches, headaches
    Decrease in communication
    Withdrawn behavior
    Highly agitated behavior (in an agitated depression)
    Exaggerated excitement; person looks as if he/she is trying to hard to appear happy
    It is a good assessment tool. I must continue reading for healing guidelines.

    One thing I think I am becoming aware of is a lifeling tendency towards low grade depression. I am amazed at how many people have noticed a shift in me over the past few months. If only I oaid as much attention to myself.

    well again, it is a learning process, and I thank you all for your interest and concern.

  12. mcm says:

    Hey Debi — what a good idea to start a discussion on depression — it is so ubiquitous, but so hard to deal with.
    My view: There certainly are SITUATIONAL issues that can trigger it, or make it worse, but for many with clinical depression, it seems to be a lot about brain biochemistry. So, don’t be shy about using those pharmaceuticals to even things out while life is rough. Combined with friends to sniffle and laugh with, and whatever activities you can entice yourself to join in. Good luck, and you most assuredly are not alone. — Mary

  13. I am not quite speechless, but I do not know exactly how to say stuff. Kathy suffered from seasonal affective disorder for decades. She took St. John’s Wort some winters, and nothing other winters.

    There is a lot going on in your life right now. If the pills are helpful, keep taking them – on the theory that depression is, in part, a biochemical thing.

    As always we are around. Maybe you and Kathy and a bottle of wine should get together – that might be helpful



  14. princesanancy2012 says:

    Debi, my heart breaks for what you are going through. It’s really too much. I find with 6 weeks of my debilitating illness it would be so wonderful to have some relief. If it comes in medication, , so be it. I know you will find your way through this fog. My thoughts are with you both. Much love.

  15. Nancy Dardarian says:

    Big change is hard, please be kind to yourself, Debi. I didn’t know about Tom’s illness, either… what a perfect storm for you two.

    Have you looked into the gut/brain connection at all? I am a huge believer in probiotics and fermented foods and know they have helped me a lot. There are tons of articles out there, here is a short one: Google Gut Brain Connection or Microbiome Depression for lots more.

    I’ll be thinking of both of you and sending you healing and peace. xoxo

    • Thanks Nancy, I know you’ve dealt with quite a bit yourself. I am so glad all your nutritional stuff has proved so beneficial. I do drink kombucha, and see benefits, although gastrointestinally rather than mentally, maybe I’ll bump it up a bit. I do take a daily probiotic also, we’ll see how this all works out.
      Thank you for your thoughts!

  16. Steve Cotton says:

    We shpuld compare notes. I was hit was a serious bout about two months ago, and have just started getting my feet back on the ground. Are you going to be over in Puerto Vallarta before you return to The States. It would be great to see you again.

    • Thanks for your sharing Steve. I hope you are doing better now. We do not plan to return again to PV, probably for quite a while. The reasons we came were 2 friends living there, not counting you now of course. Last year one died, the other got mugged outside his apt, and won’t go back. So we’ll probably go to new places. Maybe Barra!

  17. bonnie817 says:

    I have felt for some time there were a lot of other issues going on in the background for you. I think Ellen is right, maybe selling your home right now should be put on the back burner for now so you can deal with the other issues. I will be back in Merida Oct 29th, so if you wanted to talk or rant or anything, I am available. You are an amazing person Debi, so never forget that.

    • Thank you Bonnie, it’s really funny how many people have said that. Apparently my writing reflects my mood. Could explain why so many people enjoyed the things I wrote after a glass or two of wine!
      I don’t want to rant, but I would love to hear about all the things going on in your life!

  18. EllenHiro says:

    It sounds like you are having a lot of things to deal with right now. It is no wonder you are on overload. Any one item would be enough to stress you. Is there a way to eliminate a stressor? Seems like a really bad time to add selling your home to everything else you are going through. Is it possible to put off that off until a later time?

    I know there is a way through. Find someone you can talk to IN ENGLISH. Take some time to do something fun. Shopping, a day at the beach, a favorite hobby, community service. Something that gets your mind off everything that’s happening and on something else. Take some time to do some of your favorite Merida things.

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